And although we have been spending much more time up at the Red House (weeks off for vacation and multiple weekends), it’s the seemingly endless small projects that just constantly slow us down.

Take for example the following list of “small” projects.

1. Door Knobs. Even though we started replacing most of the glass door knobs with “fancy” metal ones, the fact is, we still have 3 or 4 left to do. While it may seem like a quick and easy task, inevitably there is drilling involved (removing the old door knob), spackling over what was drilled because the new doorknob is higher, and finally painting around the new one.

2. Radiators. Since we first painted the radiators nearly EIGHT YEARS AGO, some of the radiators are already peeling and look like crap.  So until we can get radiator covers, quite a few of the radiators need to be redone.

3. Escutcheons. (I do love that word!) Besides the old radiators, we also have old plumbing pipes in every room on the first floor of the house that bring hot and cold water to the upstairs. They are all badly in need of being “finished” off with escutcheons, also known as split flanges in the plumbing world. And after repeated attempts to find them online as well as roaming the aisles at two different big box stores, we haven’t been able to locate the exact size we need.  Plus they are ridiculous expensive. See here we kind of finagled one at the top, but are missing the second one.

4. Door Hinges. Another thing that took a lot of time was trying to get the moulding to fit around the patio door because of the hinges. Lynn had to painstakingly cut the moulding to fit but even with the help of at least three power tools and a handsaw, the cut still came out kind of messy. He tried to spackle around it but still has to paint. (This “little” project by the way took nearly 6 hours.)

5. Moulding And More Moulding. All of the moulding around the entry ways and doorways in the dining room has yet to be completed.

And even though the moulding around the front door to the house was finished YEARS AGO, (well at least two if not more) it was never painted.

Speaking of the front door let’s go outside for a bit.

6.  Steps. A couple of steps would be nice if anyone actually ever wanted to come through the front door. We are still waiting for a contractor to connect us with a mason who can build us a set of stairs. This year.

7.  Attic Windows. We also need at least four new attic windows since those were never replaced.

I particularly like the old vent on the left and the duct-tape-held-together screen on the right. (As in not.)  But let’s continue.

8.  Siding. Remember the siding that was done last year? A piece already fell off.  Luckily it was still under “warranty” and the siding contractor came out to fix it.  Yesterday. This is what it looked like before that happened.

Granted, it was not a big deal, but a piece was missing! But let’s go back inside the house.

9. Threshold. Going back into the dining room, wouldn’t some sort of threshold be nice leading into the kitchen? Unless you, unlike myself, like the idea of a trip and fall every time you are going from one room to the other.

We’ve also started to bring up some furniture that had been in our Long Island house in the hopes of renovating (or at least painting) them too.

10. Chairs. We have a lot of chairs. These green ones we picked up at a garage sale for $25.00. (That price was for all four, not each!)

And then these Bentwood-style ones that we recently had re-caned (the seats that is) but now want to paint the frames.

In funky, hip colors, of course.

11. Pictures. We have also started to hang up some pictures! Hip Hip Hooray! But with Lynn you don’t just hang a picture on a wall and hope it’s centered. You measure the wall (at least 3 or 4 times), then the picture (at least 5 or 6 times), and then hope to find a stud that will support the picture. Then you try to find a pencil that has a point so you can mark EXACTLY where the picture will go, and then when the pencil breaks you spend a really, really long time trying to find a pencil sharpener. (Ours just happens to be in the shape of Big Ben.)

These are just some of the smaller pictures, photographs and postcards that need to be hung up most of which we’ve collected over the years from traveling together. And yes, since quite a few of them are laid out on the ping pong table, this has curtailed our “tisch tennis” playing indefinitely.

Here is one piece that was successfully hung! And a shout out to my Uncle John for letting us buy his artwork at a reasonable price.

But let’s continue the list, this time noting the bigger projects.

12.  Guest Bathroom. We have one last bathroom to remodel. This means the tub is being replaced with a shower, and a new vanity, mirror, lighting, and walls need to be installed. We are still waiting for an estimate on this project from our contractor and need to decide on what kind of tile we want on the floor.

But let’s go back outside.

13.  Dead Tree. In addition to the “last bathroom,” we also have one last big tree that needs to unfortunately be cut down. Every time the wind blows, we are afraid it’s going to fall on the house; it’s been dead for years and at one point was one of two trees that held a  hammock between them that was ideal for napping and listening to the sound of the wind and the birds.

14. Stump Grinding. And although we have a “tree guy” who has cut down other trees on the property, he does not in fact cut the stumps down, so we have to get a “stump guy” to do that. (We have four stumps the last time I counted that need to be “stumped” so to speak.)

15. Foundation. We also need to chistle off the spray foam we put into the holes in the masonry a couple of years ago (yes, it does in fact look like orange vomit spilling out of the house), and figure out how to patch the stone foundation. (That’s a really fun project I’m so not looking forward to but it absolutely has to be done.)

16. Garden Fence. We also need a totally new fence around my garden to keep the rabbits and deer out so they don’t eat everything I plant in the summer! This will be a very big expensive project unless I veto some of Lynn’s very lovely but overly ambitious design ideas.

Did I mention the crappy weather we’ve been having? So absolutely nothing outside can get started until it stops snowing and turns warmer.

Let’s go back inside.

17. Staircase. In my last post in January, I had thought we were going to redo the stairs with a vinyl floor tile that looked like wood. When we discovered however, that EVERY SINGLE STAIR TRED WAS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT SIZE (and would need to be cut accordingly), we realized we would have been working on this one project probably for the rest of our lives.  Therefore, we quickly switched gears and decided (for now at least), to just paint them, add some moulding on three sides, and have them professionally redone down the road.

So, at least we have one down and one staircase to go. (Lynn informs me that on the second staircase (shown below) he is definitely not taping them first – way too time consuming. )

18. The Deck. Yes, we do in fact want to extend the deck and wrap it around the back of the house. And add a gazebo. And maybe a giraffe or two. Just kidding.

When our son Nicholas was small, I would always make him a chocolate cake for his birthday and put a plastic train (complete with a track) on top that you could wind up and it would circle the cake. Both he and I thought it was pretty cool. Our daughter, Rachel, got the same cake but her cake topping of choice were usually those little paper umbrellas (in pink of course.)  If I had to compare the Red House to my favorite kind of cake, it would probably be fairly simply (although the renovations we’ve endured have indeed been kind of complex.) Perhaps a lemon or orange-zest flavored pound cake with tiny strawberries and some delicious whipped cream?

So, friends, the Red House like any cake, is still “baking”. And yes, all my cakes were always made from “scratch.”

Imagine then if you can that after a quick dinner and a bottle of wine, all I really wanted to do was jump in the shower and go to sleep.  Except when I turned on the hot water in the new bathroom, the water was barely luke warm. Ditto for the kitchen, the guest bathroom and the downstairs bathroom. I sucked it up to “old” pipes and figured we would deal with it in the morning. (Except most of the pipes have been replaced and therefore not “old.” )

In the morning, Lynn and I went down to the scary basement where we proceeded to stand and stare at the old water heater. Yep, there it stood.  Ironically, this is the first hot water heater we’ve ever had in any home we’ve lived in (not that it made an iota of difference in this situation) but the fact that there was this gizmo that made hot water like magic was impressive considering our history of being hot water heater-less for over 30 years.

After a suitable amount of time staring at the darn thing, we went upstairs and I started to call plumbers. Plumber #1 was on vacation. Plumber #2 was retired. Plumber #3 had to go to a wedding and a funeral in the same day and didn’t think he could swing by the house.  I called our contractor who said he would come out and “take a look,” but he had to cook a birthday/graduation meal for like 300 people (well maybe 30 but you get the idea) so could we just shower cold until Monday?

Since the sole purpose of visiting the Red House that weekend was to deal with all the  weeds and the vines that were growing around and up the side of the house (meaning we had to cut them down), in order to prepare for the siding installation, we figured lots of hot sweaty work outdoors would be just fine when faced with our cold shower conundrum.

We had lots of vines growing up one side of the house in particular that had the Red House been a stone cottage somewhere in the south of France or even Tuscany it might have been particularly pretty but here it just didn’t work.

So we pulled and we tugged until we noticed a big part of the vines had attached themselves semi-permanently to a heavy black electrical wire going out to the street. Deciding that we didn’t want to risk electrocution or take down the power lines for the entire neighborhood with a too hard tug to try and dislodge the feisty plant, we left it as is.

Then we moved onto the weeds. There were weeds that were nearly as tall as I am (that would be 5 foot 8 inches). Some were easy to simply pull out of the ground, others needed to be cut down with a knife and some really stubborn ones needed the weed wacker.

This was an incredible amount of hard work on a really HOT DAY which is exactly what we needed given our hot water situation.  It took us about 5 hours (who says Upstate isn’t fun?) but we did get it all done and while I did take a cold shower, I will admit that I washed my hair in the sink (less traumatic that way.)

Meanwhile a quick garden update. The tomatoes are bountiful this year, but the zucchini is just revealing blossoms no fruit.  But I’m excited we have our first ever acorn squash! I haven’t seen the evil bunny in a while, so I’m hoping he/she has left the property!

TEN DAYS LATER

We arrived Wednesday night (8:30! No traffic!) to find our new hot water heater installed AND WORKING.  Look how pretty it looks!

Yes, the water is sufficiently hot although it does take a while to get up to the second floor from the basement. (I’m not complaining.)

In the morning, the first of many boxes of siding and insulation and wood appeared in our driveway – the start of a very difficult and large job.

So far so good. The siding is nearly a perfect match for the exact color red we wanted. After all, the Red House couldn’t suddenly become yellow or green or grey!

Stay tuned.